……

I was going to post the conclusion to my last post today. How can I? Turning a difficult situation into something to laugh about is my coping mechanism. Comedy is a beautiful gift we were given to help us deal with some stinky realities. But there are times when comedy isn’t appropriate.

I had some revelations this week. After an incredible butt-kicker of a week. Financial difficulties have been a very real reality for us recently. Some ugly financial situations tried to get me down this week. My kid had an allergic reaction to seeds and I understand that I am now going to be a food allergy mom. But none of these things are important to me right now. They all seem very small.

I was Christmas shopping for my children when I heard the news. I couldn’t get out of that store fast enough and I sat in the car and wept.

As the story unfolded, I realized that I’d been to Newton, CT several years ago. I went to check out the Housatonic Waldorf school and see if I thought Newton was a good fit for me. Even though I ultimately went to California to teach, I was struck by this sweet town. It is the very picture of a beautiful New England town. I walked all over and took lots of pictures. I ate in a little cafe and shopped at a little general store. It was beautiful. Everyone I met was lovely.

They will persevere. The people of Newton have already shown us the meaning of community. They are a shining example of love and support. I am holding them in my hearts and carrying their pain today. It’s an awful terrible pain. We are all feeling it. It can be easy to ignore these things when they happen to adults but this… This will change us all. We will be having conversations that we haven’t been able to have yet. We will be taking a long hard look at mental illness. It is time.

If you know me, you can probably guess that I strongly favor gun control. I strongly believe that no one needs an assault weapon of any kind. I believe that we need to take a long hard look at what it means to be free.

Fear is running our lives and we are letting it. Every time someone says that they need a gun to protect their family, I understand that they are speaking out of fear. I am afraid to let my children out of the house sometimes. This is no way to live.

What is freedom? It’s not the right to bear arms. Freedom is a life without fear and if we have to limit some of our “rights” to truly be free, then that’s what we must do. I am tired of feeling the chains of fear. Our children deserve better. We all do.

My hope for this world is that we can stop acting out of pain and fear and start acting out of love. Love for those that are in pain. Love for those that do terrible things and love for their families. They have families too and they are suffering more than we can comprehend. Love them.

Newton. I hope that amidst the terrible pain, that you feel how much you are loved. We are loving you as hard as we can right now. We weep with you and we hope that somehow you find some peace.

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