Getting old sucks.

I turned 30 in June.  30!  Happily, many of my peers turned 30 before I did.  Thank goodness.  I also know from facebook stalking that I have been aging more gracefully so far than some of the people I graduated with.  That is a big load off of my mind.  By the way, none of the people that I have aged more gracefully than are reading this, I’m sure of it.  Ha!  I’ve been concentrating on that for the better part of a year.  But I can no longer ignore the aging process because lately, I’ve been noticing new and unfortunate evidence that I am 30 every single day. 
I have been ignoring an age spot on my face for awhile.  I pretended it was a really weird zit or a scar.  I also try to only look in the mirror in really low lighting so as to not frighten myself.  I made a terrible mistake yesterday.  I was inspecting my eyebrows (more on those later) and I saw the age spot in full light.  It was incredibly upsetting.  I immediately started looking up natural remedies for age/liver spots.  Liver spots?  Can anything sound as horrible as “liver spot????”  Dear God!  I will let you know how a whole, plain yogurt and lemon juice concoction works after many weeks because natural remedies take considerably longer.
I have also developed gross uneven skin.  What happened to all the glowing I did when I was pregnant?  Gone.  The glow is dead.  I’m singing that right now to the tune of “The Thrill is Gone,” but with lots more drama.  I actually won a Grammy for my performance just this morning.  It’s because I really feel it. 
I have 50 Shades of Gray going on in my hair.  I had zero gray hair until a few months ago.  Well I had like one recurring gray hair.  Now its just more and more every day.  There is good news though.  My mom barely has any gray hair at all and she’s a bit older than me since she’s my mom.  I’m going to keep hiding my current gray hair.  Hopefully I can do that for about ten more years. 
Cellulite.  I don’t want to even talk about that anymore.
Crows feet.  HATEFUL.  They are just hateful.  I need a freakin’ scarecrow for my FACE! 
My plan to cope is as follows: 
~Buy a lot of all-natural aging remedies.  Yogi has to have a tea for this, right?  Anyway, adding green tea to my daily routine.  Anti-oxidants anyone?
~Slather my face and person in coconut oil.  Coconut oil is magical.  Bring the magic right to my age spot!
~Get a babysitter more often.  Currently, my mom babysits my children once a week.  I’m going to need a babysitter every morning from 8 am until 11 am so I can sleep and get rid of the deep, dark, black and purple rings under my eyes.  There is no highlighter or brightener in the world that can tackle these  under eye circles.  Ridiculous. 
~Drink all the water.  If you need me, I’ll be alternating between lemon water and regular water for the rest of my life.  I used to spend all of my time on my children but now I’ll just be drinking water.
~Homemade facials.  I may not be able to afford weekly facials at a salon but I can probably afford weekly avocado facials.  It’s almost the same.
~The final step in my anti-aging plan along with continuing to eat good, wholesome food (as much as possible), working out more, and praying a lot, will be to carry around a picture of what I looked like about four years ago so we can all look back and remember the good times.
Ok.  I’m off to look in the mirror some more. 


3 thoughts on “Getting old sucks.

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