Miri Turning 1

This is basically a letter to my daughter that she won’t be able to read for a while because she cannot read.
Dear Miri,
Wow. I was pretty well terrified when I found out you were coming. I was certain that we couldn’t handle another baby and would end up divorced before you were born. That was the scared talking. The opposite has been true.
We found out you were coming on a day that has been difficult for me for many years because it was a day that I lost someone important. You are named after her and I know she knows that. She would have loved you because you are feisty and spunky, just like she was.
After the shock wore off, lots of scary things happened all at once. We found out about Ezra’s cyst and spent the duration of my pregnancy dealing with surgeries, illness, and lots of fear. And your grandma fell down the stairs and broke her ankle into a million pieces. We didn’t even tell her for a long time just how many pins, screws, nuts, bolts, plates, and cups it took to put that ankle back together.
I was worried how all of that stress might affect you. I was scared that all the fear would rub off and you’d be a terrified little baby. I shouldn’t have wasted so much time worrying about that. You were born without fear. You were like, “Hey ya’ll. I’m here now. Let’s do something fun.”
We couldn’t decide what your middle name would be for a really long time. I wanted to give you an artsy middle name but your dad…he doesn’t do artsy middle names. Artsy middle names just make him nervous. We went through the baby name book about 70 times and still nothing. We thought of Ivy through a misunderstanding. Your grandma said “Avi” and I said “Ivy? I love it!” Then she said “No, I said Avi.” I replied, “That is a boy’s name.” And Ivy you were from that point on. Then Beyonce gave her baby the middle name Ivy but I want you to know that Beyonce had nothing to do with your middle name at all. But Beyonce is pretty awesome so don’t even worry about it.
I have many hopes and dreams for you, about who you will be. But you already are who you will be and I will think you are wonderful and a genius no matter which path you choose. I will share my hopes nonetheless.
I hope you stay brave always. I hope you always know how cool you are. I hope your hair is always as crazy as it is now. I hope you think outside of the box. I hope you think up a new shape entirely. I hope you are always kind. I hope you learn and remember that kindness is much more important than being cool and when in doubt, choose to be kind.
I hope your smile lights up your face and the whole world as long as you live. I hope that when you are 99 years old, people say, “Look at her go!”
I hope you always love your body and know how amazing it is. I hope that you always think you are beautiful. You will never be blonde and teensy so I hope you are always completely comfortable with that. More than that, I hope you always see the beauty in people. I hope you can find something beautiful about every single person you meet.
You are one. You will have good days and bad days but focus on the good in each day. I’m not going to tell you that it is all uphill (or downhill) from here because you are only one and you don’t even know what that means. But you are in control. You can have an uphill life or a downhill life, it is all up to you. Choose uphill.
Miriam, you were our spark of hope when things seemed bleak. You are what kept us going when we thought all was lost. You are my little firework every single day. To the moon and back is not big enough for me to use as a description of how much I love you. It’s more like all around this universe and into the next.
You are perfect and whole now. You won’t always be this way. At some point, life will break you. Your little heart won’t be perfectly whole anymore but Leonard Cohen said it best when he said, “There is a crack in everything. That’s how the light gets in.” Let the light fill you up and shine right through those cracks all over everyone and everything. I hope you never hide your light under a bushel. I hope you shine, always.


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