Annythemommy has been taking a break. It was a laziness induced break. I’m back and as rested as I can be with two small children. So I’m not rested at all.
You have probably been dying to know what we’ve been up to. Mostly we sit around inside looking longingly out the window at the rain and wishing for sun. We did go on a delightful vacation and I gained some real insight about how to survive a vacation with small children.
Surviving vacation, a field guide:
1) Golf cart. I don’t care where you go or what you plan on doing¸ you should rent a golf cart. We mostly rode around in ours for a week.
*Tip: Don’t let your toddler drive the golf cart.
**More tips: Plan how you will charge your golf cart BEFORE you get your golf cart. It will save you the trouble of running an extension cord from your second floor condo over your neighbor’s balcony to charge up every night. Also, plan on purchasing a golf cart for when you return home because you will be able to bribe your children with it and/or ride them to sleep every night.
2) Don’t take everything you own because you will end up buying all new stuff anyway. Also, if you take everything you own, you will inevitably forget your Keurig and then you’ll have to spend a lot of time on the phone with Nicole from the rental agency when you try to get it sent back. You will also spend a lot of time feeling suspicious that the people working in the rental office are having a lot of delicious Keurig coffee while you wait. You may also leave your steam mop. Why did you take your steam mop anyway?
3) No matter what, the baby will wait until you get to the beach to nurse and fall asleep. Every single time.
4) Two or more of your young children will fall in the ocean. They will wait until your last day when you are all feeling very confident. You will leave feeling very upset and fragile and will be very concerned that you are a careless parent. Basically, everything is fine because you were standing right there but then you will be those people who let their children fall in the ocean.
5) If you are traveling with grandparents, be advised. Your children will eat only cookies for the entire week. And you won’t care. You’ll go out for a morning golf cart ride and when you return grandma will say, “They had vanilla wafers for breakfast and fudge stripes for a mid-morning snack.” You won’t be able to work up the energy to care because you are on vacation. Also plan on not caring about GMOs or whether things are organic or not. Just take a break from food stress.
6) Don’t wait until the last night of vacation to try to have a dinner date with Daddy. While the food we eventually found was incredible, the whole process was very stressful. Also please note, island restaurants are sometimes closed for dinner Monday-Wednesday so good luck.
7) The car ride two and from vacation will be among the worst hours of your life. If you are truly committed, you will travel in a pack of three or more cars and you will stop on the side of the road to fight with other members of the convoy at least twice, three times is better. If no one is speaking when you get home, you’ll know you’ve done it correctly.
8) Young children get up really early on vacation. Just like at home. They don’t understand the difference.
9) If no one gets a huge splinter and gash in their foot during your beach stay that requires the huge band aids and a lot of limping, please have a vacation do-over because you did it wrong. Also, yuck.
10) Take your camera but no batteries. Burn some happy memories into your mind because you will only remember to get batteries on the last day.
11) Someone will have a medical emergency or the lens will pop out of their glasses so they can’t see a thing. Possibly, someone will put ear drops in their eye. As soon as you arrive, scout all urgent care facilities, hospitals, and Lenscrafters.
12) Park your butt on the sand and ignore everyone. Try not to pull a Delia Grinstead. You get fifty bonus vacation points if you know who Delia Grinstead is.