Morning Liveblog Saturday Edition
6:30 – Everyone is awake, except for the baby! Rise and shine but don’t wake the baby! Don’t we all feel amazing after five luxurious hours of sleep? The purple and gray bags under my eyes almost look like shimmery eye makeup! It’s too bad we don’t wear eye makeup under our eyes because I would be the winner.
I’m so not wearing makeup today, speaking of makeup.
6:35 – My beautiful son, the love of my life, won’t stop talking. I would use the word “incessantly.” I have not even had coffee.
Tried to make coffee. Beautiful son standing right behind me talking really loudly about God only knows what while I try to remember how to work the Keurig. I almost slip quietly into madness.
6:45 – All the loud talking wakes up the baby. Have managed to drink three sips of coffee.
7:00 – Father cooks breakfast. Everyone stands in the kitchen and cries at him while he cooks. I hide with iPad and coffee. I’ve already yelled at everyone.
7:07 – Breakfast is served! Beautiful son won’t eat breakfast. He is too good for breakfast unless it is a breakfast of cookies.
7:20 – Father leaves. One minute after he walks out of the door, beautiful son picks up a step stool and slings it across the room because we aren’t having cookies for breakfast. The plastic stool bounces off of Baby’s plate (she is eating quietly and only dumping a small portion of her food in the floor) and hits the french doors. Everyone is surprised when the door doesn’t shatter. Amazingly, Baby’s food is still on the plate. For this, I am grateful.
7:40 – Diaper time! Realize we have two diapers left. Can’t go to the store because we only have one car seat. Grandma has stolen the other one and is holding it for ransom. But we do have pull-ups. Day is saved. As long as I change them every hour, this should be fine.
8:00 – Now that we have found diapers, we can finally change diapers. Feel a little bad that diapers haven’t been changed yet. But not for too long. Especially don’t feel bad when I get kicked in the heart changing boy child’s diaper. “You are being such a butthead!” I say to my beautiful child. Epic battle over changing out of pajamas ensues.
8:30 – Time to change Baby’s diaper! This shouldn’t be too bad, after all, it only took half an hour to change darling son. Baby doesn’t want to wear clothes at all. When she is finally dressed, she looks like she is on her way to a Phish concert. See photo.
9:00 – Let’s fight over everything ever! Also, now seems like a good time to crunch a bunch of $6 gluten free crackers into the cracks in the floor and remove every single toy we have from the shelves.
10:00 – Second cup of coffee, the first one did not work.
10:03 – Gentle parenting flew out the window about two hours ago. Threaten children with solitary confinement in their beds for the rest of their lives. Threat does not work.
10:05 – Ball flies by head.
10:20 – Baby is practicing Morse Code with the overhead light.
10:30 – Surprisingly heavy plastic knife flies by my face.
11:00 – Bookshelf has been relieved of book-holding duties. All books are having a field trip to the middle of the living room floor.
11:03 – Let’s cover everything in stickers! Why don’t we eat a few while we are at it!
11:05 – Beyoncé and Janelle Monae dance party.
11:10 – “Stop dancing right now, Mom!” Thanks beautiful son.
11:15 – Annythemommy scrapes Thomas the Tank Engine stickers off of the wood floor while the dancers get into a shoving match.